Are you tired of having happy employees? Is workplace satisfaction just a politically correct idea made-up by hippies and witches? Are you sick of hearing about life-work balance?

Join millions of bad management #success_stories with my exclusive method. With only 7 simple steps you'll make sure no one is smiling while you’re in charge, and your team is irreversibly demotivated.

Remember - if they're not crying on the daily - you're not doing it right.

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Bulletproof method #1: Do not acknowledge efforts

It is imperative that you remain completely indifferent to the efforts of your staff when they do their job, and especially if they go above and beyond. Do not acknowledge any work done, as it may create a sense of happiness or pride in what they do. Instead, try to answer emails only when it serves your goals, and once your employee(s) achieved what you requested, abstain from words like “thank you”, “well done”, or “good job”. In fact, we recommend radio silence for at least 7 – 10 working days after a big assignment has been completed to your satisfaction.

If you are still tempted to email anyone back, try getting angry instead: “Well done? How about shut up and move to the next assignment, you ungrateful little screw in the system. You should be thankful your salary is paid every month”.

You could consider toning it down (uh, political correctness, am I right?) and write something along the lines of "This is literally just part of your job". Either way, it works like a charm.

Bulletproof method #2: Never give compliments

When an employee does exceptional work, for example saving you time, effort, perhaps money, or elevating revenues, the company’s reputation or even your own position, you mustn’t give him or her any compliments.

Remember that compliments make employees cocky and full of themselves, thus eventually they’ll stop working so hard to please you. If you absolutely must say something good, make it brief and vague. Make sure your employee(s) always keep wondering how much you appreciate him or her. They may never discover they are doing great work.

Compliments are the enemy of productivity – only demotivated employees will work hard to stay in the game!